Why I Came Out! Share with your Gay Family Members! Be Free and LIVE!!!
Why did I come out? That is a question that has been asked to me over 1 million times but my answer remains the same. I came out because I was tired of living for other people, and living a lie only to please people and other people in leadership just saw that no one would look at them and questioned their person.
To be honest with you I knew who I was in a very young age. I had no question about it my only problem was that I would hear people across the pulpit and even in my family say that people like me was doomed to go to hell. Well going to hell was not an option for me and I did whatever I could to do my best to stay out of Hell! When I say I did everything I literally mean I did everything. Let me give you a few examples; I would pray all day for guidance and deliverance. I would even go as far as to baptize myself in the bathtub and poor blessed all over my entire body just so that I could be with the church world called saved. I would anoint my body parts with oil just so that I would not have those feelings that they said were wrong, I did this because I was scared of going to heal so they say.
As I got older nothing changed, I continue to battle within myself to be 100% myself. And I even dated females because I wanted people to be happy with me. Now is I'm telling you the story this goes for both male and female because there are so many people just like myself battling and dealing with situations just like this. I dated a young lady home I felt as though at the time that I could trust telling her my so-called dark secret. After telling her I think we remained in communication for maybe 1 to 2 days, I say 1 to 2 days because I contacted her after opening up to her and talking with her and I asked her did she want to be in a serious serious relationship with me. She replied she was just having fun and enjoying the moment. Well I was upset and I discontinued all communication with her because she was not taking me serious and I was just a game to her. Well anyways moving on! In my video, I told you to a lot of the members of my former church up North, High Praise Ministries became very upset because as I told my story. What they fail to realize is that my story had nothing to do with them at all. They were just articles in my life, people said that they loved but they're loved was very limited. Now a lot of the individuals we grew up together and I can say that I felt that they were and are genuine people but the rest I would say is still out for deliberation. The experience that I had with my pastor was not a Sexual experience but it was a father and son experience, genuinely! I was able to share with him my life, my story and who I was as a person. He was able to trust me because I was able to be open and honest with him, however even though I was telling him everything he was not telling me everything. I overlook that because I said that's just dad.
Also let me just put this out for the record for his family and his children. I respected and noticed I did say I "Respected"! I respected him as not only a man but I respect him as a father, I respected him as my spiritual father, but it seemed as though that relationship was being strained. It was strained because of a public post of my appreciation for an inclusive and affirming church in Atlanta called the Vision Church. Now at that time I never said that I agreed or disagreed with their life or who they were, I just made a post of appreciation for the outreach Ministry that they possessed. They were actually getting out into the community and doing the work that so many churches and ministries claim that they were doing but weren't. To make a long story short I was brought into the office and in so many words that I would have to stand in front of the church and tell the church whether I was gay or straight. He knew my love for ministry, so he then followed up that statement with "if I did not do this I would have to resign from all ministry activities".
This became a situation that travel throughout the country and throughout the churches at-large and because I am a very well-known person even with in the church especially the Church of God in Christ this was a conversation piece. It was funny because even when I went to conventions people would stop me and asked me about the situation. My reply would always be the same, "I did this because I was asked to, not only was I asked it was a demand put on it as well". I have never in my life been put in a situation like this by people who I consider family and not only family but dear to my heart. I trusted these individuals, I continued with all of this shenanigans because I just wanted to be right in so many words and I did not want conflict. I wanted to be move forward in ministry without a problem. Understanding there is always been a bigger picture to this and I'm going to get to that very soon.
Jumping ahead just a little bit I came back to the church to do an apology because not only did he create a storm but I did as well, so I apologize on my part and I did have to pray about that because I was developing a hatred and bitterness in my heart because of his actions. Because of his actions I became very angry and I became very bitter and I began to lash out. After coming back to the church it was never the same, it was like being a part of something and being feed with a long handle spoon and every involvement had to be in a sense made public. Now my so-called friend at the time knew about all of the situations that I had been dealing with surrounding this, she heard my heart, she knew what was going on, she was right there even for the tears, ironically she turned her back on me and she stood up for them instead. It was crazy because when she started going through herself she was ready to leave as well but she said she prayed and she was going to stay there to help them and see them through. She asked me did I have a problem with that, I told her if you are my friend and you know the depth of my pain that I'm going through why would you go and take side with the abuser? We can no longer be friends. So I finally came out to the world, to the public! I dated a few people and it just didn't work out then, I dated someone and I went public with them because at that particular time I was what you called happy. I got a lot of backlash from it because people were saying that he's not up to my speed I didn't care because love was in the picture and had made me very blind! Well that relationship didn't last too long because what was done in the dark eventually came to the light, we parted ways. So like so many others, I went through and I cleaned my social media and I moved on. When something has gone public people will never forget it. That was my coming out moment, my out year. In that process I lost a lot of friends that were really just associates, I lost a lot of family members. However I've learned from this experiences, when people love they will love you regardless and no matter what. A lot of people want to say "oh you're living the life of sin but they really haven't studied the Bible", they know a few scriptures and that's it. Many of the individuals call themselves studying just to learn about homosexuality so that they could beat up and kill a person mentally and physically. I chose to take a stand and to say no more. I took a stance and decided to be vocal about who I am and where I am in my life, letting the people know that I am still the same person nothing has changed. I understand now my endeavor in life and my mission and that is to save one more soul! What do you mean save one more soul? Well saving one more soul from abuse, death, drug abuse, drug addiction, neglect, abandonment and the list can go on! Let's not forget mental abuse! I always heard about this and watching it on tv but never in a million years would I would I ever think that I would experience this type of drama myself! I had to experience a lot of drama even at home with my mom, she's just now in a place now where she's able to talk and be herself but she still has her reservations, that's OK. My mother has remained true, she's my mother and i'm her son and we are family no matter what we stick. My father well that's a different story we've never really talked about this but our relationship now is very different, my love for my dad has never changed. Dad, that's my twin and I love him always and forever. Now for the rest of the Negro's well I'll keep my comments to myself. To those individuals out there that may have gone through situations like this no matter small or great just know that you are loved and it is 100% OK to be yourself. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!